


Beetlejuice Body-Horror Humor

by vWildmage



Category: Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Attempt at Humor, BJ literally pulls his head off what do you expect, Body Horror, Gen, Shenanigans, only to a mild degree
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 11:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30121785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vWildmage/pseuds/vWildmage
Summary: Beetlejuice plays the part of the obnoxious older sibling. Lydia retaliates by flat-out stealing his head. Chaos ensues(originally posted on tumblr, moved here to practice posting on AO3)
Relationships: Beetlejuice & Lydia Deetz
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	Beetlejuice Body-Horror Humor

Living with a demon as your adopted brother was not always as fun as it sounded. Sure, the little things never bothered her. Like when he snacked on live insects like popcorn (cool, they pop like gushers). Or when he stuck his tongue out like a petulant child, only for said tongue to start writhing like an eel (oh sick, do that again). Or when he copied her reflection and twisted and warped it, screaming like a wraith in an attempt to scare her (it didn’t, but it was a pretty badass display).

No, the problem was that he tended to act as many siblings do. That obnoxious, ‘I know more than you’ attitude drove her nuts, and when it came to certain matters of history or the Netherworld, she had no proof that his claims were absolute bullshit, especially when she had no clue how old Beej actually was. He loved to say he’d “been scaring for millenia,” but had he really? Was he actually thousands of years old, or was this just an exaggeration to fluff his reputation?

“There’s no way-” she began, irritation boiling beneath her skin as she tried again.

“I’m sorry, which of us was actually there? Did you figure out time-travel recently or something? No? That’s what I thought.” He dismissed her yet again, and this time she actually snarled at him.

The insufferable bastard merely laughed and lifted his own head off his shoulders in a mockery of tilting a hat. Lydia’s eyes narrowed, locked onto the severed head. She lunged, hands reaching-

“Wha- hey, WHOA, HEY-”

Lydia bolted, running full speed down the hall with the shrieking head of a demon held securely between her hands. Lawrence’s screams were nearly drowned out by her own cackling laughter. The approach of rapid footsteps signaled that his headless body was right behind her.

Thinking fast, Lydia sprinted through the living room, dodging around the table and vaulting over the couch. At the sound of a crash, she risked a glance back to see the headless form sprawled out over the back of the sofa. Ha! Victory!

“You conniving little- that’s it! BACKUP!”

At that command, a puff of smoke appeared ahead of her and revealed a confused Beetle-clone. The clone turned towards her and swung it’s arms forward to intercept. Lydia ducked and rolled beneath the attempt, tucking her now swearing captive under one arm like a football as she rolled to her feet and kept running.

More puffs and more clones appeared, and chaos descended upon the Deetz-Maitland household.

Barbara and Adam popped out of a doorway, concerned by the commotion. “Is everything alrig- OH GOOD LORD!”

Lydia darted expertly around the startled ghosts, a small horde of striped figures stumbling after her. The Maitlands waited for them to pass before peeking cautiously around the door to watch them disappear down the hall. One clone was left behind in the confusion, laying face down on the floor after being trampled. Adam gaped for a moment, then glanced at his wife. “Should we intervene?”

Barbara listened as the chaos grew a little more distant before walking over to help up the unfortunate clone. Her assistance was met with a goofy smile and a playful salute before the clone turned and ran to catch up with it’s ‘siblings.’

“Maybe we should just wait it out. They’ll run out of energy eventually, right?” Adam sounded almost hopeful, but judging by his expression, he knew better.

Barbara gave him a sympathetic pat. “Now that BJ has summoned his clones? Unlikely.”

Speaking of Beej, he had taken advantage of his new position and stopped screaming in favor of furiously chewing on Lydia’s sleeve as she cursed at him for slobbering on her. Vengeance will be had!

(At some point during this madness, Delia emerged from the kitchen, took a moment to observe, then calmly retreated to relative safety. The kids were simply rough-housing. No harm done!)

-

Charles was on the front porch when he heard the noise, as if a stampede were taking place within his home. He stood, expressionless, wondering if it was too late to turn away, get back in the car, and drive into town for a nice dinner out. Perhaps he could call Delia out of the house and they could deal with this later.

With a long-suffering sigh, he squared his shoulders, stepped forward, and opened the door.

He’d only made it a few feet into the living room when Lydia came hurtling in from the stairs, carrying a severed head (was… was that Lawrence?!) both screaming at full volume.

It was like time froze. Lydia, flying by instinct, tossed the still screaming head at her father. As she abruptly changed course to dive out of the way, her mind caught up with her actions, and she could only keep screaming as she realized the gravity of what she’d done.

Charles automatically caught Lawrence’s head.

The body followed close behind.

And so did the small army of Beetle-clones. Charles was dogpiled by nearly a dozen striped figures, and the sound of startled swearing joined the cacophony.

Lydia ran for her life. She felt bad for abandoning her father to such a fate, but she was already super-grounded anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> (later, when Lydia and Beej are tasked with cleaning up the mess they caused)
> 
> “What were you two arguing about to begin with?”
> 
> As Beetlejuice opened his mouth to reply, Lydia whipped around and shoved a dust rag between his teeth.
> 
> “Do NOT speak of it again. We take this to the grave and beyond.”


End file.
